and then you ask how am I doing...
I just naturally always answer "fine " to anyone when they ask how i am. and im not even remotely British. Im not really fine, but i am doing better now. I can see beyond the black and into the future of this land, we'll stand beside her and guide her and although i still catch my breath at what the fire did all around us, i am now seeing what the possibilities will be with every new day....yes, that is our land in the header and if you look closely you will see our house in the far upper left corner. There is still green here and there in the creek bottom. it will all heal. our hearts included...maybe even our humor...okay. that needs work... but we are on the mend - all of us.
anyhow, this was a post I didnt post early on . i think you'll know why after you get done reading it.
it might have made people real concerned.
it was called
Adding "killing myself" as an option now
160+ acres of fencing, the new holland baler, the new holland mower, the horse shed we built when we moved here, and the old homestead are not covered by insurance - and we are at the $20,000+ mark for insurance covered damage, without factoring in traveling and repair costs, tree loss damages yet. ugh.
I am thinking this is way over my league and into bad martyr status. I dont do martyr well let alone bad martyr.
and this is a piece of my cats ear.
I really do make for even a bad martyr - I whimper way too much - for example, the water softener, a necessity out here, quit due to the extreme power surges. I was washing everything with hard water deposits mixed with ash & soot, leaving white ashy streaks etched on, well, everything. walls, furniture, clothes and linen are not getting cleaned right. and the animals were getting sick from the water. so were we, with skin rashes and bodily issues -the brides cat was now sick, and had bodily issues (okay, pooped ) all over my ralph lauren duvet and our feather comforter (I like my nice things, i wail, making all good martyrs wince and tsk tsk). poor brides kitty. poor me. I whined without cheese. but it gets worse ~
|poor bride kitty also gets food hangovers...|
poor bride's kitty was sick. so I had to go to the only small animal vet that was open on a friday night (not dr. Randy who was out of town) and I thought if we have to drive this far we may as well take in Tomez for another looksee, a twofer. After I reassured them when they made sure on the phone I could pay in advance, we drove the 1 hour there, Tomez got checked out again and was deemed healthy enough to go under my care again ("we've seen worse" they said "GOOD GAWD" i thought) - but poor brides kitty had to stay in and get hydrated. However, as poor bride kitty got better, they called begging me to come pick him up as he was a terror and wouldnt even let them in the cage to clean by the end of the weekend, hsssing slapping and growling, and they mentioned that he must have been saving the smelliest cat poop movement ever just for them on monday morning - he was popular for all the wrong reasons...poor brides kitty however meowed baby kitty meows all the way back to our burned out sanctuary obviously tell me about all his fun at his 3 day air conditioned cat spa, and when we got home he then proceeded to rub against my leg and saunter over to the kitty food dish as if... however since poor bride kitty is now the only healthy functional cat we have, we have catnabbed him and are holding him hostage for rodent extermination slavery - cat spas cost money so we are making him work it off - we now have rodent bodies and kitty carnage everywhere...poor bride kitty will never be the same when the bride and groom get him back - eventually when Tomez grows new feet and takes over the exterminating, they will get their poor bride kitty back...
|although this looks like a hostage situation, poor bride kitty likes to hide in the closet. really.|
i think its because tomez has kind of a zombie kitty vibe going on right now and it freaks him out...
And if that wasnt enough to deal with, Mr. foresterman had to run to a meeting in another state and I had to be by myself for 5 days...no easy task as the nicest plumber came out to fix all the melty stuff, including the melty outdoor spigot and unfortunately when the nicest propane man came to fix the burned propane thingys he asked me "are you running water?" I answered nooo?!!? it wasnt until he left and I was by myself did I round the corner of the house only to see water shooting out*of* the* side*of* the* house*, out of a brick wall, geysering (is that a word? yes!) - the new water spigot seal split due to the water pressure and I had an issue. a huge issue. running into the house i knew that the water turnoff valve for this spigot was in the closet in the guest bedroom - the same closet floor i ripped out for our nicest plumber only to find that the person who built this house (not the nicest idea) encased it in concrete and you had to use a special pipe in a pvc tube to turn it off - ramming the metal pipe into the pvc tube i couldnt catch the valve on it for some reason so i ran upstairs and got the big flashlight and ran downstairs and shined it in only to discover that the word "dessication" really means dessication" as there, laying now shoved into and around the valve, was a mouse, very dessicated. So then I ran back upstairs to get the wet/dry vac and the phone rang and believe it or not it since im trained like pavlov's dog to answer rings it was a person interested in hiring us for forestry work - little did they know what was going on as I was hopping back and forth and uh huhing and yesing and saying sure, sure no problem - believe it or not he hired us on that short 10 minute call , ok you betcha - after I hung up the phone i ran downstairs with the wet/dry vac, remembering at that point i could shut off the main water valve to the house. Now mind you, this was a complete cringing mental block issue as I just got that new water softener put in after living for a week and a half without it and i did under NO CIRCUMSTANCES wanted to lose that precious clean CLEAN water, as in its like 1 hour drive on gravel from anyone let alone a nicest licensed plumber (hes 3 hours and a flat tire away. he told me that. i digress) ... so i gritted my teeth, wailed and ran into the garage and turned off the main water valve, crying deep sorrowing sobs inside of my brain of "NO WATER NO WATER NO WATER WAAAAAHHHHH", then picking up my burden of a cross of a wet/dry vac, staggering back into the house, into the closet (i forgot to put it down when thinking all of this so that wet/dry vac was being carried around like a cat on fire)...unfortunately the dessicated mouse would not vacuum up so back into the garage i went, finding a piece of rerod (metal thin rod thingy used to keep concrete together when you pour), and then without looking rammed over and over this rod into the pvc pipe of the valve (stop reading if squeamish, i mean it, go to the next blog!!!) breaking up bits of fur and bone and ...and ... stuff and then by closing my eyes, using the wet/dry vac long hose attachment to get this...stuff... out . Then it was back to the garage where I got the WD-40 spray to loosen the valve, and then I cramped on the vice grips (a plier tool that I cannot live without since im small on the hobbit side of things) onto the metal pipe, cranking that sucker for all its worth with a curse and prayer (yes, that can work sometimes) and it TURNED OFF. yay! IT TURNED OFF!
|the closet of horrors|
SO heaving a sigh of relief, it wasnt until i was turning on the main water valve to the house again (WATER CLEAN WATER I LOVE YOU) did i stop and think ..."HANTA VIRUS>IM GOING TO DIE FROM THE HANTA VIRUS<"...my castleman disease progression scan is on August 3rd so if i live without dying until then we will let you know if i have been exposed to this deadly fresh mouse urine disease...needless to say the first thing they tell you on all websites concerning the hanta virus is DONT VACUUM. im doomed. I dont think I got anything as they have to be deer mice and it has to be fresh, however I like to worry about such things on my off time - I am such a bad martyr...
and so this is when i thought '
"killing myself" has now become an option"
even bad martyrs dont kill themselves.
okay, we are little bit better frame of mind now that an entire week has past, and mr. foresterman is home now and I can share the joyous strains of fire cleanup.... and no, i would never think of killing myself as 1) i wouldnt be here to write about it, what fun is that? 2) i have lived through so many things like wildfire, that in of itself says enough 3) there are too many cats around here who need me to take care of them...and the list goes on...
although you should of heard the answer i gave mr. foresterman when he called me that night to see how i was doing...
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