Walking a new course...

I am here, at home. I am also trying to wean myself off of the narcotics - I have a thoroughbred heart in a shetland pony's body so I am trying not to thrash around while I heal from this surgery.  And I am taken aback by how many of you gave me your best wishes...I have had no laptop for quite a few so its been a lot of catching up...so please bear with me as i type while slightly narcoticky induced...but I have found that while on these pills I can read a magazine from last week over and over again and it feels like its brand new each time...anyhow

this whole thing has been like walking a course back in my college days, when i rode horses wthout worrying about the falls and talked the talk with my horsey friends, as we would eyeball the new jumping courses weekly, jammering how we would maybe have to take out a stride on that in and out or put in a stride when rounding the corner before the water approach because you knew they did that on purpose to make your horse throw his head up, to make you and your horse rethink the whole approach - if none this makes sense to you, thats okay, because from what i am saying, is that you all have been those friends of mine walking this new "course"  with me - but I really dont know how Im going to ride this new course,  and so every thought, every comment, every well wish and prayer from my friends is going to ride with me on this one ~

Fence #1 -
 the surgery went well as expected, except the mass was attached to the iliac vein and they couldnt remove it without serious things happening. I guess it kind of got messy and they had to throw in an extra stitch or two.  They got 90 percent out of the green monster mass out. The 10 percent was left on the right side iliac vein and good news is that I have no issues with my right leg :)  . I have 22 staples that from my viewpoint form the country of italy around my bellybutton down to my old scar, in a narcotic sort of artsy haze (although its a vague italy as the border is open to the east.) just in case you wanted to know.

Fence #2 - 
The pathologist standing by was able to rule out ovarian cancer and retroperitoneal liposarcoma from first looksee, - two things that was on the list - this was a big yay! They did find however Lymph cells in it so it was sent on to further labs for later diagnosis. the young surgeon wonder (who I later found out that the nurses call him "doogie howser" behind his back and giggled like naughty nuns when they do so) found some adhesions in my lower left abdomen and so then he let my bowels go free, so now I have found i cannot exactly tell you about what I ate is working where and when through that area anymore.  just in case you wanted to know. Also they checked the other things in there and it looked like I was good to go so they closed the hood and called it a day. it felt like 15 minutes but I guess it was a lot longer then that, esp. for poor mr. foresterman in the waiting room... 

fence #3 - 
I screwed up by eating at Cafe DeCamps  the night before surgery (in Billings, off of N.6th street).  They serve the most amazing Montana beef and organic foodstuffs there that I had the Maui Maui Fish and Chipotle with Avocado cream Mousse,and a Montana rootbeer, and apparently that and my adrenaline made them think maybe some diabetes thang' was happening after surgery, so after the 3rd day of constant fingerpricking and then perplexed at my normal sugar readings I confessed - that I was anything goes for sweets addict and by the way a nervous wreck if they hadnt notice by now; however If there are any new customers at Cafe Decamp, im pretty sure Im responsible for that after my lavish descriptions to those nurses of what I ate. they did eliminate the fingerprickings...but nothing prepared me for when they began the barrage of heparin shots to my tummy after surgery - the only reason i bared through the twice daily shots to the sides of my tummy was some nurse was smart enough to say in the beginning "oh, you poor thing, you barely have any fat to shoot into". Of course my very vain ego bravely got me through 5 days of this, while my pride was being hogtied by narcotics.. however there still was a little issue involving this...because...im ticklish. terribly....so it was grab, stab and let go, otherwise I would slowly convulse in laughter and burning pain. they didnt know whether to laugh with me, comfort me or just stare fascinated at my spectacle of ego...And although  I dont know what they all thought of me there, I did try to cooperate. Honestly. i stopped calling the inflatable leg compressers for blood clots the "leg irons" at least on the last day before I left....I loved my RNS and LPNS and CNAS and whoever else came into the room - they have great people working at the Billings Clinic! From what I remember!!!

Fence #4
 I remember the ride home as one that involved a nice sunny day, and I got to play with electric window opener over and over. open breathe sigh shut close . open breathe sigh shut close .  Im pretty sure Mr. Foresterman had his finger on the doorlocks on his side at all times, he's always saving my life in little ways.  thanks hon! theres just nothing like blue Montana sky to breathe in, it heals you...I am home.

SO this is where the course changes to one that gets a little harder, and a little weirder. 
We got a call yesterday from the young surgeon wonder - he has the pre results. Pre results? what happened to RESULTS?

They are sending the green monster on to Mayo clinic for second report, and cant speculate any more on that until we hear from them. Because what they think I have is very rare, something that isnt seen even yearly. when i first heard this I envisioned a special black box, holding the green monster at bay, with two secret service men on either side, peering out of the helicopter as it flys towards the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. A second vision burst that bubble, revealing a '67 volkswagon van with a old red coleman medical cooler plugged into the cigarette lighter, tijuana brass band music playing loudly out of the broken speakers, dingle balls bouncing in time to the ruts in the road on old highway 2 in north dakota....I stared suspiciously at Mr. foresterman. gotta give him credit, he didnt even roll his eyes when the young surgeon wonder said  "rare". 

Mr foresterman can tell you how rare I can be - "no, sorry, thats the laaaassst one" "no, sorry, thats out of stock"  "no, sorry, that has been discontinued.." as I look at him pleadingly, wailing "but we must haaaave it!!!! its rare!!!".  Poor guy. Even in illness....

They think I have Castlemans disease.

The above explains it in layman terms. 

insert picture here of little miss holding a big honkin' sword instead of a double barrel gun...

ps -pictures are hard to take right now when certain people wont even let me walk up the stairs on my own. pfft.



  1. well, it is DAMN good to hear from you and know that you are home, safe and sound, and being watched and prevented from moving around too much. i hate that they were not able to remove the last bit of mass, but also glad they did not mess up any nerves that could affect your mobility. and crap on the rare pre-results! what the...??? at least it sounds like the treatment would be the same, either way. i just hope it is extremely treatable, rare or not!!!

    thanks for the update! have been thinking of you every day and wishing all good healing thoughts for you!!!

  2. Hi Far Gal...Glad your home.
    Sorry for all the stuff you've had to go threw. Sounds like they took good care of you. I just read part of the Castlemans info......We just have to do a lot more re praying, till this is done. I like the Tijuana Bras, the "Bull Fighter" is fitting.

  3. Ditto on what Texwis Girl said!...all I know if you go to Mayo in Scottsdale Az...I am there in a heartbeat!...or anywhere for that matter! I mean it...I can even do Montana freezing cold for you!! So good to hear from you...don't worry about keeping up with us...just let us know what we can do to help!...xoxoxoxo

  4. p.s. I can do the magazine trick without any narcotics needed...

  5. .....I feel bad...I giggled through your whole post! Glad you felt well enough to write with your wonderful sense of humor. Prayers are still going up!

  6. Oh my--so glad -for selfish me and others!- your sense of humor was not a part to remove!! Love your story telling-but not the story!?! Hope you get my drift!! Well-what a trial--we have much more praying and pulling for you and we will!! Great to hear from you! Well wishes and smiles to ya!!

  7. I'm glad you posted today, I was about to send out the cavalry. I've been praying everyday, and will continue to do so until every last li'l bit of ugly greenness is blasted into oblivion.
    Sounds like they took very good care of you in Billings.
    You listen to your husband! No shenanigans!

  8. Glad you are well enough to post and your brilliant wit is coming through as well. Lots to learn about and find out yet. Keeping you in my prayers

  9. I was thinking of you today. Glad you felt up to posting to let us know your home and recovering. Leave it to Feral Woman to be unique and "rare!"
    Heard a song on the radio two night ago and immediatly thought of you and your Mr. Forestman. You may have already heard it, but just in case...

    Martina McBride
    I'm Gonna Love You Through It


  10. I am so glad you are home I have been checking to see if you are posting. Rare huh, no suprise there you of course would have to be.I feel terrible because I laughed out loud while reading this post.....I wonder how much of that really is drug induced or your immeasureable wit....maybe it's both. You be listening to that man of yours and behave.

  11. I'm glad you're back. Those narcotics do present a rather different world don't they? I have to take them occasionally, but I try not to let them build up. Hang in there.

  12. Glad that you checked in & are home now. What an ordeal! Please keep us posted when you can on how you are & when you get the results of course. We're all here for you!
    I'm keeping positive thoughts for you as well. :-)

  13. You are one amazing lady - home to recover from major surgery and taking time to educate us all about your situation. Thanks for sharing and rest well/heal quickly.

  14. It's good to hear from you - glad you are home and recovering. Take it easy!!
    I'm glad they got 90% of the mass away - now to work on that other 10%.
    You have an amazing sense of humour - that will help you loads.
    Take care and let people look after you for a while.
    Sending hugs for you.

  15. I'm glad....so glad...it's not the Big C. I read the report and it sounds treatable. I prayed you'd receive a miracle and God listened, as He always does. You are such a unique person...did you expect anything less....something *rare*, indeed. But it's treatable....and may never return and that is such good news. Please take care, follow doc's orders so you'll heal up nicely. You'll be out and about in no time at all. Your positive attitude, your faith and sense of humor will bring you through all of this. God Bless and big careful hugs. Heal quickly. Ease your mind.

  16. SO glad to hear from you..and glad the drugs don't dampen your sense of humor (selfish, aren't I?)
    Rest rest rest and heal heal heal!
    Excellent that your doc isn't make snap decisions and is testing the possibilities.

  17. Oh It is so good to hear from you. I have been thinking about you constantly.
    Well I always knew you were a rare one and this just goes to show us all that.
    I just came back from reading about this Castleman's disease (I used to like castles) it is indeed a strange one but it is not cancer. That is wonderful. I know you can beat this weird disease because you still have your sense of humour and everyone is praying for you and you will not let them down. You have a wedding to plan after all.
    Rest and take care of yourself. I am so happy you are home and drugged OK not the drugged part but that is a necessary evil at this point.
    Take care my dear friend Feral and I am so happy to have you back. Big hug from Canada. B

  18. Welcome back. I've been thinking about you daily and looking for an update. Rest and take care of you.

  19. Im so glad you posted, the longer I waited, the more worried I was. I love that post, you are still entertaining even while recouperating!! Amazing! So glad you had good nurses in the clinic and now you have a Mr Forestman to keep you doing nothing,. get better soon.

  20. I have a computer now and have been enjoying catching up with my blogger friends. Then I came to you and I had no idea you had been going through all this. I'm so glad you are home, you have your man, and a dog that looks just like our Samson to take care of you and help you get well. And a cat to purr next to you as well. I've never heard of this disease but will read your link. Take care.

  21. On first glance I thought it said CATTLE-mans disease and right then I though, only you... ;-).

  22. I am so glad to hear from you! I read what you linked up to about Castelman's Disease. Hmmm....sounds better than lymphoma. You are a trooper, really! A good example to us all! Get well soon, you are in my prayers.


  23. Glad you are home and the Mr. is tending to you! The Hive is still lifting you up! Take Care...

  24. Good to hear that your home and doing better! Good Karma your way...

  25. I'm so glad you are home and okay! I have a friend who has what you said they called it. You can tell I'm a bit ditsy- I thought you said Cattlemen's Disease. Too many years on a cattle farm!!! Get better and better and better...

  26. p.s. Your stats must have been kind of high for your blog lately, because I just kept checking in for some news, and I suspect many others did to. :)

  27. Italy, huh? Those must be great drugs!
    Glad to hear you are home.
    How interesting that you have something rare... yeah, that seems appropriate, you are one rare gal!
    Best of luck, hugs, prayers and good wishes.

  28. Yours has been the first blog I visit whenever I manage to get to the computer. I am so happy to know you are home, Feral Sweetie! And something still hangs inside me saying that you will be fine soon!! Very soon! Still praying for you.

  29. You have a wonderful sense of humor and fierce Spirit! Might as well start looking through wedding books as long as they are keeping you hog tied!

    Your in my prayers.

  30. Glad you received good care in the hospital and are home resting. Thank-you for letting us know how you are doing; I know it is hard to type when the text on the screen is all wavy and blurry. But glad to see those narcotics aren't blurring your strong spirit and sense of humor! I read the info on Castlemans. I'm sure your good doctors will have an excellent treatment plan. Hang in there. I'm glad Mr. Forrest-man is taking good care of you and making sure you rest and stay off the stairs for awhile.

  31. When my best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer, I told her, three things will get you through this....The Good LORD, Good Doctors and a Good Attitude. She later added, and Good Friends. Still sending prayers up to our Father, my friend. Stay strong and keep that sense of humor.

  32. I'm not sure what to say except apparently a lot of other folks and l love ya ta pieces. Rest is your friend too. Thanks for letting us all know how it's going. Your a very special girl.

  33. I love that header shot....so what now you're sending the dog and cat to get the mail!!!!

  34. So glad to hear you are up and about, hoping whatever the rare thing is, it's treatable and forgettable!... New person here, love your sense of humor, and oh, that countryside you live in!....

  35. So glad for the update, also so sorry I didn't get here sooner. Will check out your link and then wait for another update. Take care sweetie!


  36. I am so glad you are posting and I am so glad to see you are having a good sense of humor, it helps you heal. I apoligize that I was clueless to what you were and are going through, I have been very bad about not keeping up with my blog and everyone elses. I pray only good things for you and a speedy recovery.

  37. Sending lots of love and support your way! You are in my blog today. Your circle is widening. Beautiful thought. Be well.

  38. We are all still Praying each day for you and your family.

    I believe every pray counts toward your wellness.

    I hope you can find some strength in knowing we are all praying for you.(HUGS)


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