"Feral ~ from feminine of ferus wild: having escaped from domestication and become wild"...




Wednesday

You know you are Feral when...

You care more about ordering and figuring out your horses deworming schedule for the next year
then your own doctors/dentists appointments.  

Seriously.



WARNING - LONG RUN ON SENTENCES AHEAD - WARNING

Why am I doing this anyhow?  Once its delivered I may as well squirt and rub the contents all over my hand, arm, hair, favorite barn jacket, jeans, lead rope, boots, fence, water tank etc. as we all know thats where it will end up anyway. And as far as those flavored ones? Pshaw, yea right.  As soon as I approach the paddock with that tiny innocuous tube in hand he knows something is up, giving me his best squinty-stinkeye look, curling his upper lip and walking backwards like I have a frilly pink tutu for him to try on to impress other geldings ...All the while I am talking like I never do, high pitched crazy nurse-talk, trying to convince him that I am not poisoning him... really.   I have even shown him the weight marker on the tube, pointing out that it is on the correct weight for dosage, but he seems to disagree that no, he could never possibly weigh that much and "it's set waaay too high and you're trying to kill me and thank you I dont want to take it today, how about tomorrow? Tuesday?  uhmm never? "...

Of course in the end, after I go through my litany of pleadings, mom-type threats and finally my own squinty-stinkeye look, he gives a big sigh, closes his eyes and lets me squirt that tiny innocent tube of worm death in the corner of his mouth... but we both know this is only the beginning of the deworming dance.  As if a wrestling bell has rung, on cue while trying to use all of my 129 lbs of she-man strength to lift his nose up in the air like the directions say to do afterwards, he somehow has managed to have multiplied the contents 100 fold in his mouth to share/spew everyone and everything within a 10 foot radius at minimum in spastic sprinkler style motion.  Rain gear IS mandatory for child bearing-age observers who think they can help, but they usually end up stumbling backwards, wide-eyed and mumbling that they have to go and pick up something on the way home....now.

But unfortunately the dance continues (cue "The Omen" theme movie music) ~ Im  hanging on to his halter in the 'darn if im gonna let go because Im not thinking' grip, and he is sticking his exorcist tongue out soooo far, bringing up bad childhood memories of zoo visits involving gargantuan giraffes licking glass parititions repeatedly, mental-illishly with a loong purple tongue horrifying/imprinting forever on my then 10 year old brain, but this one, no, he's trying to lick MY elbow, oozing in all directions copious amounts that will surely poison even the littlest earthworms below that thought they were safe in their tiny happy world.  And of course this triggers bad motherhood moments in my tiny brain of when my youngest daughter as a toddler  had eaten a whole box of  natural fruit roll ups and we all paid the piper in HER diaper weight on that one in 5-second intervals and we couldnt do a thing but wait...and clean up...and wait...*shudder*...it takes days for me to recuperate mentally when we deworm.  So each time I swear never again will we do this dance, but unfortunately those two months go by and I seem to suffer from short term dewormer poisoning memory loss...or I feel crazy guilty that my poor horse could be hiding little evil aliens in his bowels that will take over at least our corner of the world and make us harbor them comfortably with little cigars and plushy robes while they watch Spongebob and Gardening channels all day long.  Sigh.

So anyhow, thats how we all get de-wormed here
and I check out clear &  negative at the doctors when I remember to go.
even for parasites.  
Thanks Pfizer.




~



PS    yes i know, proper horse training would probably take care of this sprinkler action issue,
but in reality, whats the fun in that?


Next post -
 our secret location = horse shopping horrors
kinda ties into #1 here
uhm.
really...
~

15 comments:

  1. yeah, they act like we're trying to poison them, for sure. and even if you're CERTAIN they've got nothing in their mouth (no grass, grain, whatever) suddenly after the tube is dispensed, out comes these remnants of their last meal(s) spewing forth along with any medicine that might have tried to make it down their gullet.

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  2. That's weird--my husband acts the same way with HIS meds!!

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  3. Poor Eb. By the way did you take a writing class in college or something?????????? LOL. Love the long sentence's

    Felicia

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  4. Oh this does bring back memories of my horse days and I do remember having the darn stuff all over me. Well glad to hear you got that on over with and those pesty doc appointments.

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  5. Anyone who says their horse is a perfect angel for the dewormer is a big fat liar.

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  6. Most of mine are good to deworm but there is one, and she makes up for all the rest, in my hair,eyes, mouth, nose the works

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  7. Wow those are mighty long sentences.....I like them:)
    As you know I do not have a horse but is sounds vaguely familiar to giving a calf the dreaded beautiful pink sticky sweet smelling Pepto Bismol oh yes you heard it here cheap reliable and works like a charm better than that expensive stuff the vet tries to sell you and sure is pretty when it is indeed all over your coat your coveralls your face your hair yes indeed pretty in pink means a whole new thing when you have a calf with the scours but when all the cows start following you around after and lick your coat your coveralls your face your hair because it looks like ice cream and tastes oh so sweet you have to run to stay away from their long rough tongues trying to clean your hair like a Mom back in the day with that dreaded lifebouy soap oh yes I do not have a horse and do not have to deworm but I can relate. 129 lbs had to throw that in didn't you:)
    Wow that run on sentence thing is fun. You make me laugh. HUGS xo B

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  8. I had the king of bad deworming. If you go right up the side of his cheek as best you can (you know what I mean ;-) and try to avoid the tongue, they can't spit as much out on you...sorta... ;-).

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  9. I felt sort of breathless at the end of this post - even with the warning! :) I would take your horse over my camel, er, llama any day. It's not pretty and I need full body rain gear.

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  10. Buttons is giving you serious competition for the run-on sentence, and the experience of large animal medication. I'm thinking if you could reset the television from Spongebob to the Shopping Network and change the cigars out for e-cigarettes perhaps the worms would leave of their own accord. Thus robbing you and your pony of a bi-monthly bonding experience.

    P.S. Congrats on the great results from your doctor visits.

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  11. I don't mind the long sentences, but combined with this very tiny print you are using (remember, my eyes are 73 years old) it took all the love I have for your stories, for you as a person, and for your whole family and critters, to finish reading this post. Phew, but it was worth it. As usual!

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  12. Uh, as much as I would love to have a horse, uh, I'm kinda glad right now I don't. Ewwww..... Brave girl!

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  13. Well that was fun............................. :)
    Feeling so glad I don't have that adventure to look forward to......!
    Rain :)
    Happy trails..........

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  14. I have one horse who actually grabs the worming tube with her teeth and hangs on till I finish squirting the junk in. But then she is a little weird anyway. Most of my horses are pretty good about it except one. Old Danny, he has been around the block more than a few times, has pretty much seen and done it all, but there is one thing that sends him over the edge. Worming. He is tall to begin with, but when I show up with the stuff, he becomes about 50 feet tall, and does the crazy fire ant dance. Last time though, I cheated. I haltered him and loved on him and gave him senior feed out of my hand and lulled him into a false sense of security, just as he started to nod off (he's old, he does it easily) I stuck my weapon in the side of his mouth and squirted so fast he didn't even have time to react until I was done. Yes a good portion came back out again, but that is why I always just give it all to them!

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  15. Only you could write an entertaining post about deworming! I deworm only in the spring and fall, and my horses seem to be doing fine on that schedule. Of course, I have to shovel their poo every day, so I keep a close eye on what's going on there!

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I am feral, so although I dont respond at all like most domesticated bloggers, I will try my best - Thank you for even wanting to leave a comment, as it may draw me out from the woods from whence I came!

Or under a rock, it depends most days...