"Feral ~ from feminine of ferus wild: having escaped from domestication and become wild"...




Thursday

Appearances are important...

after being held captive by the massive snowstorm that shut down South Dakotas interstate last weekend - we finally made it back home Tuesday night this week - a weeks trip for our annual forestry meeting turned into ten perpetual days of being totally unarmed as i didnt bring a camera, nor my own laptop. 
I am scarred for life now and will never do that again.

And because, 
well, i have no pictures to accompany this report/post.  

I really am feral when it comes to writing skills so if I have some pictures to distract you momentarily from my writing disability its all good...right?


Though in this post, its probably a good thing in this case we dont have photos. 

Really, our trip was mainly uneventful, unlike last time.

 well...unless you count this minor incident... 

really, just a minor incident.

~




It all started on the first day of the trip - being the tough little cookies we are, we tried to drive over a million miles so we could have time to look at a hay baler on the Iowa/Minnesota border on the way to the meeting in the time constraint we were following. 
because we are like that. 
For me, im always trying to cram 50 things into one day because otherwise we feel we are not worthy to live, due to my being taught by Nuns; Catholic guilt is an art not to be taken lightly.  However since Mr. Foresterman was only a CCD kid and not a "fulltime Catholic" growing up, he likes to do lots of things in one trip because he says  "its  practical"... what a heathen. Because i was raised properly by nuns to feel guilty whereas Mr. Foresterman went to a PUBLIC school and was a CCD kid,  when it comes to purgatory time I am pretty sure he will be stuck there longer since I know more fulltime Catholics who will pray me out; yes, its a mysterious religion and I learned at an early age not to ask questions, 
why do you ask?

anyways, back to the report -

I was drowsily awoken in the dark jeep to a "hmm, what did i do?" comment from the typically humble Mr. Foresterman, and the annoyingly flashing blue white lights drew closer as our little  patriot pulled over to the side in a town i wasnt aware of we were in as i had been snoozing on and off since we left South Dakota.  

I should mention that Mr. Foresterman has the impeccable timing of getting pulled over when we least expect it. It is usually in Minnesota. And it is like they know he was born in Wisconsin and is a perpetual Packer fan who does not belong in the land of the Vikings. and this they can tell all of this by his driving; it is modeled after years and years of dodging deer. Wisconsin has a huge suicidal and homicidal deer population. From over 40 years of deer induced PSTD driving experience in the woods, when night falls Mr. Foresterman flinches at shadows and will slow down at reflectors that mimic animal eyes in the dark; windy nights make him more alert then a golden retriever in wildlife sanctuary that is in the season of migration.  And someday he might even tell you of the story of the buck who tapdanced on his hood at 50 mph, after he had hit another deer in the other direction...that story however is a little too fresh in his mind so we dont bring it up often. Especially not when hes driving.

And so here we are, after driving many many hours on the road.


"tap-tap"
  I jumped as the Trooper was on my side of things, tapping on the passenger window with his flashlight, then flashing it in my eyes.  Squinting like a weary drugged raccoon, I rolled down the window, and we peered at each other - 
he breaks the silence with a "hello, how are you folks doing tonight?", 
his eyes shifting back and forth between the two of us in the jeep.

And of course,  this is where I have been told frequently in my lifetime that sometimes I just shouldnt speak the first thing that I think of. I tend to ignore that comment though because sometimes Luck is on my side....

"We're looking for a motel right now! " I blurt out.

he looks at me.

His flashlight swings up and down where im sitting.

 it was then i realized 
that
my selection of clothing for long distance travel 
might have not been the most appropriate for this moment; 
i was wearing a short little jumper with a tight black sweater underneath. black tights and cute little black boots. and "smeared by sleep" makeup. No coat. A poor timbercruisers attempt to keep a Deer induced PSTD driver from focusing on imminent driving death all the time.


AND 
unfortunately
I may have looked like every inch the rumpled 50 year old hooker 
who may have or might not have just gotten lucky with a swerving, slow driving lonely older man.

A rumpled 50 year old hooker who just blurted out she is looking for a quick motel. 


 so of course the first thing i think of is

"uh-oh. this isnt looking good; i gotta make this better" 


However before I could say anything more, like, 

" I am NOT A HOOKER IM A TIMBER CRUISER AND HES NOT DRUNK!" 

wisely Mr. Foresterman quickly shoved his Montana drivers license right in front of my nose;

He knows me well. 

He really is quick on the draw.

Reaching over and taking the license, the trooper shined his flashlight on it and said,

"do you know why I pulled you over?"

but again before I could save the day and say 

" I am NOT A HOOKER IM A TIMBER CRUISER AND HES NOT DRUNK!" 

wisely Mr. Foresterman spoke up, 
"well, I know I was going below the speed limit because of deer this time of night"

(unfortunately you are a suspect if you do 50 in a 55 mph in this neighborhood, most likely due to the Adult XXX signs and the two taverns that sit next to each other. OF all the places we had to be pulled over at....)

The trooper shined his flashlight on Mr. Foresterman.

"you also swerved when you saw me flick on my overhead lights".

uh-oh.  this isnt looking good.

"I am NNNooott"

"UH yes! I know!" Mr. Foresterman blurted out, covering my intentions.
 "the deer are really out this time of year and I have a tendency of being on the lookout for  everything"

understatement.

Anyhow

 it was that then the most unlikely hero appeared 


the one who saved us 

the one who saved us from having to do the walk/talk test of shame.


 During all of this we forgot one thing

 - He is so good at going into a state of traveling coma -  

Dexterdog sat up in the backseat and yawned.  

And all 

70 lbs of his pent up doggy breath 
from miles and hours of napping 
slowly wafted into the front 

-you could almost see it - 

gliding slowly towards the open window to the where the Trooper had leaned in.

Mr. Foresterman and I involuntarily held our breath.

The Trooper leaned back.

"thats Dexter, he travels with us all the time"
 I said, squeezing out those words while still holding my breath.


And of course, 

like the Trooper, 

you are thinking what 50 yr old Minnesota Hooker brings her senior citizen Samoyed 70 lb dog along 
to the Adult XXX taverns in the dark of a cold Minnesota Winter 
to pick up lonely swerving slow driving older men, right? 

uhmmm

nevermind; 
dont answer that.


 anyway,

The Trooper spoke to Dexterdog.

not to us.

"Sorry Dexter to wake you up, but you have a stink about you. 
I have a 90 lb Lab and I cant even imagine going on a 50 mile trip with him."

Mr. Foresterman and I finally exhaled.

We ended up getting a written warning to be careful 
(of what? swerving or slowing down when we think theres imaginary deer? Of impersonating a 50 year old Minnesota Hooker?  Mr. Foresterman wouldnt let me call them up to ask. How can i feel Catholic guilt without knowing what we looked like we might have did but didnt???)

And the Trooper was the nicest guy afterwards, really...


So it was our Dexterdog who saved the day.

 Who would think that Dexterdog, who wasnt allowed at the  annual Forestry meeting because of that "not being human" issue but we still brought him along anyway, 
would save our reputation?

What a Great Co-Worker!





~

Joining up with Deborah Jeans Friday Blog hop,
because, 
although this post was not really about Farming,

and 
we are not out to intentionally scar people,



we still want to add our Forestry perspective to farming...

yep. 
thats right.

because these things really happen to us.



~

21 comments:

  1. only you... a 50 yr old minnesota hooker. that image is burned into my mind. actually, n dakota is doing big business w/ the oil boom. might want to go a bit further north. ;)

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  2. lol You gave me a great chuckle for the night. Go Dexter Dog!

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  3. Oh my friend this was so worth the wait:)
    I know the funny make us all roll on the floor with laughter is BACK Yeah. I knew nothing could keep her down for long. I am laughing out loud while My Hero is in the other room wondering what the heck it is Valentines Day why is she not here with me.What is she laughing at?
    Sorry My Hero a 50 year old hooker story and a rescue dog with a dodging deer forester man will keep me busy for another minute or two as I cannot stop the images in my brain from rolling over and over much like me on the floor now. Yup worth the wait. Way to go Dexter.
    HUGS B

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  4. Oh my, you do have an interesting life and a patient hubby.

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  5. Let's see- we have nuns, a 50 y.o. hooker, a trooper, a CCD foresterman who has Post Traumatic Stress regarding deer, and a dog who is rudely awaken from his nap. It sounds like an epic major motion picture event. Man, girl,( hooker-oops, I digress)- get the popcorn. That's just plain funny!Think of the story the trooper has to tell. :) You have such adventures...

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  6. You and your real life stories are too much! So sorry you didn't have your camera.

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  7. Only you, I swear this kind of stuff only happens to you. So glad Dexterdog was there to save the day! :)

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  8. How, pray tell, just HOW do you tell a story like that????? I'd pay good money to have that skill. Glad you're back home safe and sound (mostly :) ).

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  9. Hooray for Dexter dog, coming to the rescue! Love the description of your traveling uniform!

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  10. Dexterdog to save the DAYYY!! (sung to the Mighty Mouse theme)
    What a story!!! ROTFL!!

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  11. Boy, no need for photos. The word images were worth a thousand pictures. Super fun to read. Super hilarious.

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  12. Way to go Dexter.I can't stop chuckling at the mental pic you have left me with.

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  13. Oh lordy -- funniest thing I've read in a long time -- photos of the moment would have been appreciated, however. :)

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  14. I am NOT A HOOKER IM A TIMBER CRUISER AND HES NOT DRUNK

    The best line of blogging today!

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  15. Funny post... thanks for your comment on my SD story ~ I have followed your blog through fire and now the recovery.. we wish you well and admire your hard work and determination. I had to look back and found the Black Hills work story ~ I know trail #1 covers a large area but that is a trail that we used daily ~ I would love to make a summer visit and get into the woods...

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  16. You are such a hoot !
    Have loved reading your blog. New to blog world. Posting from a Mr gadget cell phone with web, until lap top arrives. Cell phone blogging can make things a bit complicated but loving the comradery ! Tried to link up for the linky party but perhaps with my cell phone it wasn't possible as I kept going in circles, darn. Well great post ... Ya I always hate it when an officer shines a light in my eyes at night when i am in wrinkled hooker clothes ... total embarrassment as he would see my snazzy sweat pants were covered with horse hair and I had a chicken feather sticking out of my crocheted cap !

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  17. Ok, add me to the list of Catholics who will pray you out of Purgatory! Starting tomorrow, I'll do some pre-prayer just in case you need a little more than most! LOL. You make me laugh, which I'm terribly in need of today, and you drive a Jeep, right? Can't be all bad! Loved the story.

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I am feral, so although I dont respond at all like most domesticated bloggers, I will try my best - Thank you for even wanting to leave a comment, as it may draw me out from the woods from whence I came!

Or under a rock, it depends most days...