"Feral ~ from feminine of ferus wild: having escaped from domestication and become wild"...




Wednesday

The Shetland pony in me couldnt clear the rails Friday night....

I had a little setback..although some people say a 3 hour ride to the ER for a major blood clot in the leg might be more then little...especially since now I HAVE to give those darn blood thinning shots in my OWN stomach...I think all the animals i ever vetted have cursed me...but its okay because after I give this shot to my stomach, i reward myself with candy afterwards...

I would make a very very bad diabetic.


yes, this is what self-employed people have to pay -
Merry Christmas and happy next years birthday x 2 to me...

it started out last Thursday night - I had been feeling a little chipper and did quite a bit that day - when i finally  sat down and took a rest for two hours, i found i could. not. walk. It was like it the valve at my left hip turned off the blood supply to my ever pinkening leg...I showed mr. Foresterman, and then took a shower...he called the ER. Unfortunately they were expecting me to be in murderous pain if it were blood clots so they told him they didnt know what it could be. I was numb and pink and a tiny bit little pressure pain in my leg.  Mr. Foresteman paced while I went to bed and overnight my leg improved somewhat. Until I tried to walk around the next day. I looked like Eyegor from "young frankenstein",  frizzy hair, movable hump (my  microwavable heatpack on my shoulders), and all that.  The hair alone was enough to encourage Mr. Foresterman to take me to the ER...

but for that price, you NOT ONLY got your loaded syringes,
but a bonus clear plastic bag!

Three hour truck ride and we arrived. I have found that ER's are not good places to be on a Friday night in a big city out west unless you are really really really in a life threatening postion, such as a having a live bull's horn impaled in your chest or a bad cowboy's spur imbeded in your eye...stuff like that. I do remember that the young ER technician looked so much like my Annabel that it was hard for me to complain as she wrastled with the veins in my arm to submit to her IV poking...the term "wrastled" applies here.  I think she probably was reaaaaallllly good at cattle sortings and brandings/vaccinations, and probably was a 4-H champ, but I was ready to start bawling like a calf just to remind her that there was a live human attached to those "pesky veins".  Then came the narcotic guy - im pretty sure his job was to make sure I didnt remember the IV episode. and to cooperate fully while in a comatose state.  They ordered Morphine,  but I weakly protested - that stuff makes me sick to my tummy i said and I really do like to be co-hear -ent...! 

nothing says high fashion more than thigh high stockings
 made for women AND men.
I was told to wear these for 5 years.
kid you not.
So here I was, in non-pain except for the IV wrastling with the tech who definitely had the upper hand as she had a sharp implement and I did not, and the narcotic guy says he will give me something different. Different turned out to be some sort of Dilaudid and thats like 4 times stronger than morphine - I was hogtied by drugs.  this girlfriend was feeling no pain, nor her body, not even her brain waves...and I would strongly recommend it others to use when you are like so maxed out in pain - like when you give yourself the deepest papercut with CARDBOARD-  but thats an illegal recommendation so I cant say that... But I can say its like a warm fuzzy feeling perpetually in your brain, thinking unicorns, baby kitties and warm puppy thoughts in an ever widening happy happy world and even if they tell you that they are concerned for your life you are like "huh?" because after all its a happy happy world and what exactly is the meaning of life but ....puppies, kitties and UNICORNS!!! poor Mr. Foresterman at this time was slowly becoming my interpreter as my brain melted, like if you were to leave aunt sophies fruitcake sitting on a Montana cattle guard on a hot summer day, thoughts dripping, like cherries, unidentifiable fruit, nuts ... I was wasted.  However, cooperation on my part didnt involve being in a coma but my being the friendly homeless cat as usual, asking how everyone was doing as people floated in and out of the room - they didnt make any noise with their feet! how do they do that? MAGIC!


Mr. Foresterman is such a responsible caregiver that
he bought this for me to use in case
if he's out on the back 40 -  north 160 - west 20 hike hike...
I haven't abused this.
yet.

Anyhow, in my mind's eye I was hostess of a very modern, stark, and contemporary kitchen, except it was more like a hostess homeless cat laying flat on her back on a gurney and it was odd that there was a sink, a refrigerator, but no stove in this big room.  But then the MRI lady wheeled in what looked like a grill and I had an "aha!" moment...I was very cooperative. Then it was Doctor time, but i cant remember what he looked like - I was told I was lucky as he is a vascular something or whatever genius there and he was in the house..I vaguely remember that he had good hair and I wanted to pat it, but somehow knew that wouldn't be appropriate....tomorrow I have an appt. with him - I can update after I actually have a coherent conversation as Friday night was kind of puppy and unicorn night. Anyhow Mr. Foresterman did tell me later that at one point he thought i was such a beautiful heroine, laying so dramatically with my hair unloosed amidst the white sheets... and in the moment there in the ER he told me how i was so beautiful and positively glowing...he said my response was that I just had radiation dye in my veins for the cat scan so that's probably where the glowing part is coming from...Anyhow the cat scan (meow?) revealed no blood clots in the lungs, yay! The final determination and diagnosis was what they call "DVT"  in my left groin down to my calf (calve? ...?), most likely from surgery and not from lack of movement on my part. That last part made both of us feel better - Mr. Foresterman was trying to take responsibility though for all of this, the good caregiver man that he is... But  women are predisposed to this on the left side as that is a narrower tunnel for the blood vessels to go through,  I was on hormones as I don't have ovaries, and abdominal surgery just adds to the mix...So the end of all this was AS long as it didn't reach my lungs, I wouldn't die.    "so you can go home now"...uh, okay...thank you...

my favorite cottonwood tree. It really is that beautiful.

So now I am at home, and yesterday was the first day that I actually feel like me. 
except for the staples.
Tomorrow I get those off, YAY! 
We are down to 20 now since two fell off...
kind of.

Mr. foresterman took a picture of me in my sexy anti-embolism thigh highs. I'm looking for hunters here.

With all the blood clot hub bub, we totally had to put the first rare diagnosis of Unicentric Castleman's disease to the wayside, 

as we can only handle one life threatening situation at a time according to the doctors.  
Unless it involves two grizzilies.

I found one; he was over a 1/2 mile away on the forest service side.
I think he was looking at me.
and my sexy anti-embolism thigh highs.

We have another appointment to meet with another oncologist at Billings on November 8th. The young surgeon wonder set it up, and we were told that I needed to have further treatment. Apparently they are taking it up with what they call "the tumor board". They will discuss, and then come up with what they think is an apparent treatment program. It could involve chemo, radiation, or both. even though this is not a cancer, it acts like a cancer, can become a cancer and can metastasize to be fatal if not surgically removed totally.  Only I would get a disease that is just like cancer but it isnt a cancer so I feel guilty calling it a cancer but its a disease that can still kill me - catholic guilt training is going to kill me yet. My wonderful neighbor to the north said I should just give up and tell people I have cancer, because there are just not enough hours in the day to describe what I have. I think once i start treatment I just may have to do that in order to save energy...or carry posterboard and a laser pen around in back of the truck...


I handed the binoc's over to Mr. Foresterman -
here he is determining if he needs to defend my honor.
To say that I was bummed when they told us that they left 10% in is an understatement.  But considering that it was on a major Iliac vein, they had no choice. So we are considering who to choose for a second opinion on all of this to make sure we get rid of all of it on the first treatment go- round. Unfortunately, this disease is so rare that only a few cancers clinics treat approx. 2 patients A YEAR with this disease. There is no standard treatment - it's that rare. I will become someone's case study where ever I go. Poor them.

here we are discussing whether it's my sexy anti embolism thigh highs or his suspenders
that the hunter is really staring at. over 1/2 mile away.
then I get distracted -
So what would you do? Right now we have to concentrate on getting the blood clot manageable. 
Then treatment to shrink or kill the mass.  But where? 

We have a lot of hard decisions to make in the future.


the animals sure missed me!!!
yes, that is a tree stump im resting on. what else?
and that is my cruella deville pouppy robe...
maybe i might need some mental help too...
~

warning for the squeamish, leaves this page right now!!










for a halloweeeeen scare for the very very very very very brave - click on the tiny picture below,

if you dare!




BOOOO! I'm a frankenschtein this year!


:)



~

34 comments:

  1. Oh dear! I hope it is quickly gotten under control! Take care sweet lady I will keep you in my prayers

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  2. Ok call me slow but I was look for a bear

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  3. Oh my poor Feral you are having a very tough time there.
    I love your new header I was hoping for a happy post even though your sense of humour makes me laugh at whatever seems to be thrown at you. You certainly have a cool way of looking at the world. That may be the drugs or you are just the happiest sick person I know.
    I do love the socks and the robe is totally you.
    Mr Foresterman is sure a great guy to have, making sure the evil hunter does not take advantage by looking at your daring sexy outfit.
    Seriously, yes sometimes I can be serious too, do take care of your self and I know you will make the right choice for you and this evil invader will be kicked to the curb.I am so happy your still here :)
    Rest my friend. xxoo hugs B

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  4. What a scary time you are having. Hope you get that blood clot under control soon.
    You have a great sense of humour and your post made me smile several times. I don't know how you do that.
    Take it easy and look after yourself.

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  5. You dare to sit out in that robe? No wonder the hunter was 'scoping' you out. He thought you were some sort of dalmatian leopard with white gazelle legs! You are a rare bird indeed!

    I love the 'puppies, kitties and unicorns' description! You did a great job of verbalizing that incredible floaty, couldn't-care-less feeling!

    Good luck. Best wishes, hugs and prayers coming your way!

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  6. your 'blow by blow' description of your stay in the ER was very well done!..now as for cost 'ouch'..and as for the Frankenstein scar..double ouch!..you can't scare me..I work in health care!!..
    have a great day..take some time to sit and enjoy the view..it looks like a good one!!

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  7. As bad as all of that sounds...you still have your sense of humor! Love the way you describe the effect of the drugs. In all those dark clouds - there are some silver linings....all I can say is I've been thinking of you and praying - Blessings from Wisconsin

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  8. i agree - that even with all the angst, terror, trauma you're going thru physically and emotionally, you keep us laughing with your descriptions and crazy ideas. God bless you! when i read your opening lines, i was terrified. i sure hope the blood clot is NO danger to your life! and as for becoming someone's case study, i couldn't think of a more animated, clever, sassy patient that they could have to keep them laughing...

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  9. I was getting pretty worried about you- much too silent on your blog, and now I know why.Your header photo says it all... storm clouds are gathering. This sure was an emotional post to read- I laughed out loud at your response to your husband saying you look beautiful and glowing (bless his heart, he's a wonderful man!) and my heart sank right to my sock-tips when you said you have a lot of hard decisions to make in the future.
    I'm going to have another Mass said for you, and pray for a complete cure.

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  10. Oh boy, you are so hilarious, even in the midst of trauma. Love your Frankenstein costume. It will be awesome to get those out! I had those shots in my stomach too. Yuck! Wore those sexy stockings too. What a pain! You are a brave woman and I'm keeping you in my prayers.

    Hugs, Susan

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  11. Those thigh-highs are the pits. Not only are they uncomfortable, but they certainly do not make any kind of a fashion statement. Now...if they came in colors....or even just black, you could combine them with knee high boots and you'd be magazine cover material. I remember how glad I was to be rid of them and I only had to wear them for 48 hours! Your incision site looks pretty darn good....healing quite nicely and probably itches like all get out about now.
    Keep that wonderful attitude and sense of humor; it makes you heal twice as fast. Praying for you daily...keep smilin'...God Bless.

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  12. Thanks for the update! You have certainly had more than your share. It's a good thing you are a strong farm girl, who writes beautifully. The photos are exceptional. Love your new stockings.

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  13. You really have been going through a rough spell...healing thoughts coming your way~

    Your humor and positive outlook on life will help you...no doubt in my mind.

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  14. Those are some gnarly looking staples! But that bill is even scarier. I'm sorry you had this setback. You are brave and strong. I'm sending you virtual Hershey's hugs and genuine wishes for good health to come.

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  15. OK, no more surprises. Really. No more. Go forth & heal! Zat's an order :-)

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  16. Loved the story within the story
    :-) Medical bills of the self-employed stink. The blood thinning shots do not sound fun.
    ........contunue to heal!

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  17. Your sweet animals look like a real comfort.

    OK it took me awhile to figure out there was a hunter not a griz out there.

    Stay strong. Praying for you.

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  18. My goodness - you have been through the wringer and then some! Take good care of yourself -- I found myself in the ER once with a blood clotty leg - that fortunately was not DVT - but it still scared me to death. Not something to mess with.

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  19. Your sense of humor will see you through this difficult time. With that positive attitude, all is well. I see you healing perfectly and attracting the right and perfect opinions on treatment.
    Be well! Keep smiling, it keeps your heart open to healing.

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  20. Great scar! Wear it proudly. Scars tell the story of our lives. Too few people cherish their scars.

    I don't know if you have tried this, but a lot of my friends who are managing their own health care negotiate for discounts comparable to those received by insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies. It won't hurt to ask.

    Heal well!

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  21. Praying for a quick recovery.

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  22. That big sky country is just beautiful, wow... to be able to look out over that every day. However a three hour ride to the ER sucks.

    Healing thoughts sent your way, hoping you get the answers you need and a quick and uneventful recovery.

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  23. As much as I love where you live I wish you didn't right now. Three hrs from the ER....I hope you don't have to go back,I am worried for you and by the way you make it pretty tough to be properly serious about all this, what with all your silliness and the apparent need to make us all laugh.You are the only one I know that could pull of that wardrobe choice, you lady are one in a billion and that hubby of yours sounds like he's got some pretty high numbers too. Please no more trips to Er, I am thinking about you......lots

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  24. Those stockings for 5 years? Lordy! Well, you knew this wasn't going to be a picnic from the start, didn't you? I'm sorry this isn't going smoother for you, cannot imagine a 3 hr drive to the ER! Good that you are back home again and resting up. Love your 'alarm' system! Good idea! Your staples are healing well, I just wish the rest of that stuff was out of you, already!

    Sending my best! XXX

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  25. Thinkin' of you in your sexy new stockings and happy you have a pack o critters and such a wonderful man to protect and care for you. You are in my prayers.
    hugs,
    Leslie

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  26. Hey it is me I just thought I would drop in again and say Hi, give you a hug. I hope all is well. That is what a good neighbour does they drop in just to say Hi and tell you they are thinking of you. Oh yes usually I would bring a casserole os some homemade soup but for the life of me I have not figured that one out yet.But I may someday.Keep well my friend. :) B

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  27. Wow scary!! Big bill and horible staples. At least the staples will be gone soon.
    You make me laugh, your humorous look at the world will certainly help you get through this.

    Keeping you in my prayers here too.

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  28. oh my gosh-love the canned blasting horn!! Mt guy was so wonderful-yrs ago-before cell phones- he got wakie talkies so I could call him outside-my total knee replacement!- he could no stankd to stay inside-and then first trip out a while later I get land line call from Home depot-he forgot he was suppose to stay nearby! Gotta love em--I was in bed-with leg elevated-and had to PEE!!!! Oh well-needless to say he rushed on home!! Love ur story-keep the faith!! Thank God u survived the clot and carry on -thoughts and prayers daily to you!!

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  29. This is terrible -- three hours to the ER -- and on top of everything else you are going through. You have courage, humor, strength and your family to help you deal with it, but it still really is a whole lot to come crashing down on a person, just like that. I'm sending hugs and will keep you in my thoughts.

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  30. For Pete's sake! When you have a story to tell, you tell a doozey.

    My word, I'm so thankful that you have that stocking on and wrote this blog.

    You have a wonderful sense of humor, thank goodness. You're in my prayers.

    I'm just shaking my head.

    Joey

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  31. There is NO WAY I should have enjoyed this post as much as I did. You are quite a woman! ...and let your man pamper you ;)

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  32. Oh my, I've been lacking over here (it's been a long summer). I hope this is something that will pass quickly, I don't see how it can't with your wonderful positive attitude and great sense of humor! *hugs*

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  33. Woman! It's been so long since I've checked your blog. I'm happy to see your sense of humor is still runnin feral and I will keep you in my most heartfelt prayers. I also need to talk to you about something if you have the time for an old bloggin buddy. Could you email me when you have the time? I know you've got a lot on your mind right now but I promise it won't hurt what I need to conflab with you about!! Prayers coming and I'm gonna catch up on all I've missed from you!

    sarah

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I am feral, so although I dont respond at all like most domesticated bloggers, I will try my best - Thank you for even wanting to leave a comment, as it may draw me out from the woods from whence I came!

Or under a rock, it depends most days...